Classified Ads

Here are some actual classified ads that were gleaned from U.S. newspapers.

  • Illiterate? Write today for help.
  • Auto Repair Service. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again.
  • Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.
  • Stock up and Save. Limit one per customer.
  • Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
  • Three-year-old teacher needed for preschool.. Experience preferred.
  • Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and Blue Cross.
  • We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  • Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
  • Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.
  • Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
  • We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.
  • Man, honest, will take anything.
  • Used Cars: Why go anywhere to be cheated? Come here first.
  • Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply tops!
  • And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

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