The Million Web

Classified Ads

Here are some actual classified ads that were gleaned from U.S. newspapers.

Illiterate? Write today for help.
Auto Repair Service. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again.
Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children.
Stock up and Save. Limit one per customer.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Three-year-old teacher needed for preschool.. Experience preferred.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and Blue Cross.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.
Man, honest, will take anything.
Used Cars: Why go anywhere to be cheated? Come here first.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply tops!
And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.